Alone Still



And again Iím alone

But I have my addictions

And the voices in my head

To drown out the silence

Numbing my memories

Keeping me blissfully ignorant

Yet still alone


Sometimes I lay in bed

In your spot

And I remember the happy times

The ones with you lying next to me

Our naked flesh pale in the moonlight

Your smile so innocent and sweet

I feel the midnight kisses

Your gentle caress as we shared ourselves

Gripping to waves that crest only in the dawn


But now your spot is empty

Your smell long since faded from the sheets

Just like your patience

Just like your love

And I weep in the darkness

Yearning for this to become fantasy

A drug induced nightmare


Maybe if I believe

Somehow trick my mind to alter my memories

If I hold my breath long enough

Maybe youíll come back

And crush me in your embrace

Kiss my hair

And assure me

That everything will be all right

But you never return


The voices in my head

Whisper their warning

Cautioning me to forget you

To let that pain truly slide

But day turns to night the tides shift

Love is replaced by indifference

And I find that nothing is unbearable


To feel only by being alone

To stand and smile in a crowd

To let denial be my constant companion

Powdered mirrors still surround me

My gums are numb just like my mind

I still feel you next to me

My eyes still see you there

But youíre not there

You never were




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